Women Gather and Men Shoot

I believe there is a difference in the way a whole lot of women think and lead.  I agree with the adage that “Women gather, and men shoot.” There have been several times over my career when I have been in a room with the executives in our company (the majority of whom were men) and they’ve just wanted to move—as in shoot—and I hadn’t thought we’d discussed all the issues thoroughly enough.  I can insist on taking more time when the people in the room work for me. I can “gather” and make them discuss things further, and most of the time we walk out of that room totally aligned.

Here is where that doesn’t work for a woman in a leadership position, be it at a corporation, a university, or a not-for-profit organization.  When you are chairing a meeting with the people on your board, the less thinking out loud the better. People expect you to lead the discussion and to always have a position on what the course of action should be.  I was in a board meeting on the west coast recently, and the leader was a woman. After the meeting, I had several of the men ask me to mentor this leader. She went into too many of the issues and presented too many problems.  One board member who is CEO of a large logistics company characterized it as her need to “share too much”. She went way too deeply into the politics of the situation and the lack of resources. It sounded like she was complaining even when I knew she was not.  The board is supportive of this woman leader, and she is great, but sometimes she makes them uncomfortable. The “thinking out loud” needs to be done BEFORE a board meeting.  If you want some counsel, get it from a person or two who are 100 percent supportive of all you are doing before the meeting.  But when you are in front of a board, too much “gathering” looks like indecision.