Keeping Priorities Top-of-Mind

For me, early on, life got very clear. My first child, Craig, was born seven weeks early: four pounds, eleven ounces, but healthy. I got lucky. My next child was stillborn at thirty-three weeks of gestation. Then Peter came along followed by Lizzy—both were healthy and close to term. But that was after spending six months on complete bed rest. Add to that, my beautiful older brother was addicted to drugs for more than twenty years, and eventually it killed him. So, you would say, “Of course,” and all of you would understand when I told you that my number-one priority was to raise healthy, kind, competent kids who would grow into successful adults. But it took me a period of time to realize how central that was to every future decision I would make.

My then-husband and I lived four miles from where we worked. That meant our kids went to a good public high school, certainly not Chicago’s best. But it was a conscious decision that having our kids spend another ninety minutes a day with their mom and dad was worth that choice. That same four-mile choice enabled me to be at a few more games and school plays or to make it to the local hospital quickly when one of my three children caught a baseball or softball in their teeth, jaw, or nose (how many times is it reasonable for that to happen???).

My top priority, family, determined when and where I was willing to travel and what corporate boards I might consider. It determined the areas where I gave back to the community. It also determined when I worked, and that meant everything from working at home two days a week for a couple of years to starting most work days at four thirty A.M. reviewing mail and memos because that left time for family later on.

If I am seen as an advocate, it’s for the most basic of principles: the recognition that corporate growth can live and thrive hand in hand with the validation of family, and the recognition that working moms make great employees, be they line workers, lawyers, waitresses, doctors, or top executives.

To all the women reading this: you make an incredible difference in so many people’s lives. We are sisters and daughters, moms, organizers, teachers, partners, providers, and lovers. We rebuild our schools, are the leaders in our communities, and are most often the caretakers.

After we’ve fed the kids, packed lunches, and tossed in a load of laundry; had a long day of meetings and e-mails; and shuttled the kids to activities in between getting everyone together for a family dinner, we all realize what we need more of: time. And then there’s the call from a close friend—and you find yourself holding the hand and the heart of your dearest friend as she goes through chemo. It’s overwhelming sometimes, isn’t it?

Hang on. Breathe. Take a little time for yourself and learn to take a pass on the nonessentials. I have found that everyone wants a competent person to take on more. So much so that, for me, I literally had to have an expert help me to learn how to say “no.” We think, It’s just one more little thing, and I can do it in my sleep—but eventually even the strongest people can break.

Prioritize. Focus. Build in real time for you. Learning to say, “Sorry, I can’t; I’m a little overwhelmed right now” is perfectly okay.