Things to Think About

It’s not easy getting old. For many, it becomes increasingly more difficult to do the common activities that once came so naturally. Some limitations are physical, while others are cognitive. Nevertheless, there are ways to help older folks ease into and cope better with these challenges. Here are some tips to give joy and get joy—and to help preserve their dignity.

• Bring over big-print books, big-print playing cards, and, if needed, a magnifying clip-on screen for a computer. Don’t make a big deal about it: no one wants to be reminded they are losing their eyesight or other faculties. And add more lamps. Extra light is a big plus. A gift my dad loved was a mini LED flashlight. We gave him a box full to take to restaurants and elsewhere.
• Laminate a mini list of the latest meds and make sure YOU keep it in your wallet as well as in your parents’ wallets; and keep it updated. Do the same with a list of all their doctors. You may need them in the middle of the night. Keep the list updated with cell phone numbers and keep it close by.
• Clothes need to be replaced more often than usual. Staining just happens more with older folks. Surprise your parents with a few new shirts or blouses on a regular basis.
• Older folks look a whole lot younger when dressed well. A hospital gown is not a good look for anyone. Try to find clothing that is easy to take off and put on, but always keep it sharp. For example, Lululemon has great black elastic-waist pants for men. Hats also do amazingly good things for older folks.
• Keep on top of grooming: hair care provides a real boost, and skin and nails—especially toenails—need regular professional attention. You can find someone who will make house calls for a manicure, pedicure, or haircut. Tell your dad that it’s a therapeutic foot massage. Pay for an extra twenty minutes of foot massaging: older people don’t get enough “touching.”
• Get your older relatives to write (or dictate) their thoughts to your children on financial tips, i.e., how to live a solvent life.
• And there is so much more to learn: ask about their military service, business success and valued lessons, what TV and radio used to be like, and of course the story of how they met their spouse. It not only gets your parent engaged, but it shares a lot of pretty darn precious memories.
• Serve foods that are simple to cut or just precut what is served. Many older folks have trouble swallowing. Sometimes you have to thicken liquids to keep them from choking; thickeners can be found at any drug store.
• Make a family tree together. There are many names and relationships you just don’t know. Take the time before it’s no longer an option.
• Hold a luncheon for your parent’s four best friends. Make it special with their favorite treats. Boredom and loneliness are the enemies.
• Most older folks can’t travel well alone or even with their spouse—but they love to go. Go with them; they likely will even pay for it if they have the means. This is their trip, not yours, so plan the trip around them.
• If you live where it snows, walks can be treacherous. Make sure someone is salting the footpaths. If an elderly person breaks a hip, the consequences are simply awful.
• Music is an amazing gift. We gave my dad a portable iPod player and loaded it with several hundred songs from the 1940s through the ’80s, and he loves it. Music is playing all the time. Amazon Echo is fabulous too—just ask “Alexa” to play your favorite song or music genre.
• Old movies are great. For my dad, war movies always trump all else; he even enjoys the black-and-white government documentaries. My guess is he feels like he is in his early twenties as he remembers these times, hard as they were.
• Shutterfly books are so easy to make; I mix old photos with new ones. My dad looks at the couple of books I have made almost every day.
• Take the little ones around to visit often. Borrow little ones if need be!
• Older men (my dad anyway) do so much better when the physical therapist is a cute young woman, and I remember my mom always spruced up and paid more attention to a young cute man who was an exercise therapist. No kidding; try it.
• My dad loves pretty table settings. He always enjoyed using different dishes and having the table decorated with pretty flowers. Have a surprise “tea party” and sometimes add scotch. It helps.
• If your parents no longer drive, make a weekly outing together to the grocery store. It becomes something they look forward to.
• Get them a pet or even easier, bring your pet for a visit. It’s amazing what love a dog brings.
• If you can afford it, it’s a wonderful gift to you and your elderly parent to hire a caregiver to help with bathing and bathroom needs. It helps to maintain everyone’s dignity.
• Arrange for visitors. Lots of people would love to come for a visit if you make it known that visitors are welcome. Find the best time of your parent’s day and schedule guests appropriately.
• If they love baseball, watch baseball. If they love golf, watch golf. If they want to play cards, find the time and make it a “regular” date.
• FaceTime old friends. They all may be housebound, but it’s a kick to watch them interact.
• Share news about family members’ jobs, relationships, accomplishments. It might just bring back some personal memories for your older parent and spark a conversation from their past.
• It may also be a good idea to withhold some information; in conversation, I was talking to my dad about an employee issue, and he fixated on it for days. I was just “talking”—but he didn’t need to know about it. Be selective in your conversations.
• Make your parents a favorites list on their mobile phone to help them easily reach family and friends without needing to search.
• For a special birthday, have all the kids and grandkids write a letter sharing how much Grandma or Grandpa means to them. Place all the letters in a folder or, better yet, a scrapbook with photos so they can read them over and over again.
• Keep an eye on weight and nutrition. When my mom had trouble keeping on weight, I mixed Starbucks Frappuccino with Boost, which added at least five hundred calories any time I could get my mom to drink it.
• An electric recliner is a wonderful thing. Enlarge the size of the TV set without asking. It makes a demonstrable difference. Record a bunch of favorite shows. Don’t assume they will tell you the remote is too difficult.
• Be aware of changes in Medicare and help parents navigate coverage when they are being treated for illness or injuries. For example, if staying at a hospital under “observation care” (meaning that patients are not well enough to go home but not sick enough to be admitted), patients will likely have higher out-of-pocket expenses and fewer Medicare benefits.

Most importantly, love them . . . just love them.