Losing Your Filters

You have probably heard people say this and I KNOW it to be true: when people get older they lose their filters. The language can become much more colorful (to put it nicely); they have zero patience for just about anything; and more often than not, “it’s all about them.” Whatever traits a person displayed in their younger years become more pronounced. My dad was aggressive in life and business. He was also kind and very generous, but he had determination, strength, and an incredible work ethic. His favorite saying was, “Winners make it happen.” When he was younger, that meant he could knock down solid brick walls, one way or another, whenever they stood in his way. And when he was in his late nineties, that aggressive attitude sometimes got him into trouble—verbally and physically.

So why am I sharing this? All too many times I found myself “explaining” a behavior to someone who never knew my dad earlier in his life. My friend Mary told me a story about her mom and a doctor who called Mary a saint for putting up with her mom’s attitude and behavior. Mary looked at that doctor and told him he had NO idea of the kind and caring person her mom had been for 95 percent of her life. So sometimes when I would be introducing my dad to a new doctor or caregiver, I would take a few minutes to explain just how extraordinary this man is—and was for the majority of his life. Exposing people to a little of your loved one’s background helps put a little dignity back in the equation. So stand up for those you love. Show pictures, tell stories.